Comments
I think from now on I'll comment on a story in three sub headings; Story, Presentation and Length. Please be reminded I am evaluating this series not as some expert Storyteller but as an avid reader, who likes to read and appreciates good literature. 

The Story/Plot
This story, as I shall summarize in here before I explain myself, suffers from 2 great weaknesses. One is the total lack of distinct personality for 99% of the characters and secondly, too much emphasis on unnecessary plots.

It is very obvious that the author wants only one ending for this story. Every part of the plot is meant to unite the two leads together. We will all know who will end up with who and in that sense this story is very predictable and nothing suspenseful. In other words, hardly anything happens in this story. What surprises me though is the various of characters we have in here and  how so many characters were so underused.

When you have a predictable ending or a no-plot for a plot, the best way to keep a reader, like me glued to your story is to make the events in your story interesting, or maybe witty if it is about romance. Inject some believable banters and some romantic romance into the whole story, to make it come alive, passionate and definitely make it shorter.

This story could have been half the length, unless the many characters were given much more things to do. But that would be to deviate from the original story; a story about 2 individuals, unlikely to be together but they did and broken apart because of fear of commitment and insecurities but got back together at last which is a sign of liberation of one's own heart.

The basis is commendable. By putting in more characters, the author is probably trying to give a more crowded atmosphere, as in more people, like a celebration of whatever the story is about. Since this is a Fan Fiction, and it ever was made into a movie, many stars would have been simply wasted in here.

Which will lead to my first dissatisfaction with this story. You as a reader may not think so but I often feel a character must have some sort of a personality, however an air head they may be, to make us love or hate them. Personality does not really have to be through describing their facial expressions, their height, how much money they have. It could be from the dresses they wear, the remarks they make, the observations to certain events, their reactions.

Edison had none. He comes off nothing but a jerk in the beginning and in the end, he was simply insignificant. So were Jolin and the others. But then they have no connection with the story. So who has?

Alec for one. Vicki on a very large part. And in some minute ways, I personally feel Ruby is a rather important character. She could be the reason for the characters not getting together, the reason for Alec's bitterness, Vicki's fears and insecurities and doubts and finally the reason that will unite them both; quite obvious that the author, Alec and Vicki hated this woman. And I do know why.

The author is keen to give a reason for Alec's fear of commitment and Ruby, as in the author's own words;

""Vicki, I think Ruby was faithful about a week, the first one, on our honeymoon. After we came home, I have it on good word, that she made her way through my entire office.” He smiled wryly as I winced. The sting of such cruelty must have been awful to endure. "" and  then the author further justified Alec's fear which in a way magnified his goodness as a man and justify Vicki's attraction to him when she wrote;

""What I did to her?” He chuckled wryly. “You’ll excuse me if I don’t think marrying a woman with stars in my eyes and then building her a business to make her happy and then taking care of it because she suddenly decided it was boring and too much work a fate worse than death.” 

“Ruby wanted something to occupy her days-besides the men I worked with,” he added, a dry smile on his lips that let me know exactly how much his ex-wife didn’t affect him anymore. “So, I started a clothing store for her. Unfortunately, Ruby’s interests laid in buying clothes-not running a business concerning them. Within a month, she grew bored and looked to me to take care of it. I tried, but after a few months, it became clear I couldn’t run the store and start CS Enterprises. I sold the business and when we divorced-which became legal about a month ago-Ruby cried bloody murder, saying I stole the only thing she had in her life-her precious store.” " 

It's quite obvious we are supposed to hate Ruby. I would if the author have given more time to develop Alec's non existing personality and as well as Ruby. Just because you want to make someone a villain, doesn't mean you must avoid making them a bit more human. But Ruby is human. We are not supposed to really care about how Alec met Ruby, married her, etc etc etc. It didn't really matter anyway. But I feel as a reader I would love to read more about this Alec-Ruby-Vicki thing. Sometimes the Author revealed a bit about Ruby's personality through Vicki's rather biased observation. Just because Alec was divorcing her, just because she wore designer clothes, just because she was arrogant, Vicki jumped to the conclusion that she was bad. The author would want us to think so but I personally thought Ruby was more cartoon-ish than mean. By having Ruby warning Vicki to be careful, I feel it is to show how possessive she was. In a way you get an inkling how tortured Alec must have been when he was married to a woman who wears designer labels, looks at people with disgust and sleeps around. But all these are pure descriptions. Not much depth was given to the character of Ruby, and so in the end, this story does look like a fan fiction and nothing more when it could have been more.

And when it shouldn't have been more, the author concentrates 80% of her story with gatherings, weddings and more questions. Perhaps to make use wonder how the heck these 2 individuals will be together at last. I find these several chapters very tedious. 

We will get plenty of sarcastic banter. The most unbelievable aspect in this story is not the under utilisation of many characters or rather non-personality for these characters or Ruby's mean-ness but rather, the part where Vicki, at the age of thirteen realised she might have a crush on Alec, who was 2 years older. 

Vicki accidentally fell into the swimming pool and she didn't know how to swim. Everybody was there, from Edison to Alec to parents and yet no one even jumped in to save her. Many debated for several paragraphs until Alec, who took his own sweet precious time to jump in to save her, and it was then Vicki who was clinging onto him for safety realised a little something was happening in her heart. Years later she realised it was love.

This part of the story is  unrealistic, if you forgive my language. Debating who should save her is unbelievable. And Vicki had a crush on Alec because he saved her and yet all along she heard them debating, whislt she was drowning. Could you feel any attraction for a guy who was a jerk to you when you were little and was simply un-heroic when you were in danger? My own answer is yes, but in this story why this attraction arose in Vicki's heart that blossoms into love years later is still unrealistic and very poorly reasoned in the story. I know love knows no reason, but at least develop more on the no reason part in a more realistic circumstances. The author might have thought she created a situation that makes one heart flutters but unfortunately, she created an over-exaggerated situation, that to me, illustrated what incompetent men and parents we have in this story. I wasn't charmed by Alec as Vicki was.

Years later, the relationship was taken a bit further by a passionate kiss on the part of Alec and quite a good thing that the author injected some doubts and bewilderment in Vicki. But not enough. We see no rhyme nor reason why all of a sudden Alec had a change of heart about Vicki though one very telling paragraph, in earlier chapters had Alec praising Vicki, for reasons I can't remember. We know Vicki liked him from the moment she was "rescued" (however reluctant he was) and her feelings for Alec further developed because of one kiss, and sanctified by the many times they were together in the office and more kisses, so much so that not much later she agreed to marry a man who once told her that he didn't believe in love. And this love of her was sanctified with the appearance of Ruby, the villain. I feel Ruby plays a very important part in here. Without her, we may not be able to see a more gentler or human side of Alec. And even with her, the author simply did not do enough to make us see that side of Alec, except for few parts in the story. We are supposed to have a rather sexy guy here, because obviously Vicki's attraction towards Alec was probably sexual at first. I assumed she has never been kissed. I do not know why Alec felt attraction for her, except she was pretty and he was tired of his wife. Not enough to show the attraction. If the dialogues were supposed to show such blossoming attraction or sexual tension, I couldn't see it, because the author often neglects to continue on after the dialogue ends. Either Vicki walks away and next chapter or we have the banters and then nothing on the effect of the banters.

Therefore, my conclusion for this story is simple. More personality should be given to the main characters, and more importantly, 26 chapters to a story and I still feel the lead characters are still underdeveloped and more importantly, too many words wasted when more could be used to concentrate on the part as to how Alec fell for Vicki and vice versa. Because of this lack of attention to this very important part of the story (since the whole basis of the love affair is these two characters), I feel this story is underdeveloped and much too long winded.

However let me compliment the author on the character of Vicki. She was the most well developed amongst the leads (well, we have two leads in here  anyway) but unfortunately she spent too much time on Vicki and neglected Alec. But let me remind you and I shall remind myself that this story is narrated by the main protagonist, Vicki herself. So often we will find a bit of favouritism in these kind of perspectives. So frankly, I shall slap myself for the  criticism I made. However I do think, much more could have been given to the character of Alec.

The Presentation and Paragraphing
This is not a thriller therefore there is no great need to stop at the right climax and begin with some questions with no answers. Frankly, I find the paragraphing and presentation quite ok, though the dialogues, supposedly sarcastic banter meant to make the story more lively. And some supposedly romantic. The truth is, this is a love story to me, plain and simple. I don't see the romantic or passionate part. I find the dialogues pretty bland. Except for the epilogue.

"“Vicki?” Came a deep voice that never stopped sending warm tingles down her spine even after one year of marriage. 

“Hello, Mr. Su.” She teased formally, her voice remaining cordial. “What may I do for you?” 

He chuckled deeply before answering. “I left the Cheng case in the den, could you find it and tell me what the figures are for the budget?” 

... “I’ll call you back,” she said into the phone, her eyes riveted on the man two steps down in the split-level style bathroom. “The guy I’m having an affair with is here.” Clicking the phone off and placing it down blindly, she rested her head back as Alec walked closer to her. 

“Affair, huh?” He deadpanned, his silver ebony eyes dancing in amusement. “Should I be jealous?” 

“Very.” She admonished, smiling as he shrugged off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, crouching by her. “He’s very handsome.” 

“And smart?” Alec grinned, looking quite the picture of boastfulness as he looked down at her (they had opted to have a tub built into the ground level of their home). 

She pretended to ponder it. “Not especially,” she finally decided, her tone innocent while she played with the midnight blue tie she had bought him recently. 

He shot her a wounded look. “I’ll have you know my IQ-” he broke off unexpectedly because his wife had yanked his tie down to kiss her. 

One more tug had him soaked in the over-sized tub with her. He looked at her with mock reproach. “This suit cost more than your engagement ring.” 

The horrified look she instinctively threw down to her small left hand had him laughing as he pulled her to him. He nuzzled her bare neck, playing with the soft tendrils of hair that had escaped from the clip she had pulled it up in. 

“That’s okay,” Vicki retaliated, wrapping her arms around his back, feeling the thin material cling to his well defined muscles skin. “Yours is actually plastic-I just spray-painted it gold. I figured ‘why spend all that money?’” 

He let out a mock angry growl, nipping her ear in sweet revenge. She sighed blissfully, her eyes closed as he sipped the damp skin of her shoulder with tiny kisses. “You know,” she mused dreamily, “I never thought I’d marry one of the Terrible Two.” "

I feel this is the best of all the chapters for its playfulness, its witty banters and you could feel their love for another, the warmness. For once Alec had some personality, albeit a more eased up personality. If only the author have injected such lively atmosphere and such flirtations to the two characters at the beginning, this story would have been a delight to read. Or maybe at least let Vicki do all the flirtatious banter and have our boring Alec feeling bewildered. Then we will know why Alec is attracted to her and how Vicki could fall for him; she was the reason why his cold hard heart melted. That would be much more romantic. This story is half way there, but not quite so.

The Chapters
Too long, divided into too many chapters and spanning too many years in too short a time. The first few chapters about their growing up years was a tedious read, because it felt more like a documentary. This year this happened, that year that happened. The author was merely listing out the facts without really gripping us with the emotional aspect of Vicki's growing up years with the two jerks. Everytime I felt we are getting close to being gripped, we get next chapter and another year has passed.

The paragraphing is good but frankly, I was not intrigued with the story from the first paragraph. I believe you must know when to end a story and this applies to individual chapters as well. Some storytellers in Winglin and in this site is very good at ending the chapter at the right time, making you want to read the next chapter. Don't just think only suspense stories can do that. Some that I have read were love stories. So the point is know when to end, need not with a bang, need not be suspense but end it in a way that will make the readers hungry for more. Don't reveal one year in one chapter, that means for one chapter, everything has been told, so whatever is left in the next chapter are new stuff, stuff that we as readers may not want to read on since there is no incentive to make us flip the page. This story by Max does not have that incentive. I said her paragraphing is good because it is neat and easy to read but at the same time, it may be too "neat". Her stories can be categorised by chapters, and I find that very bland. More so when her chapters' titles are very revealing titles. Nothing mysterious, nothing surprising and therefore bland and ordinary.

However, I was pretty excited when when Ruby appeared. Because in this story, hardly anything happens until villain Ruby appears and yet her appearance was much too short lived. She injected much tension into the scene but well like I said too short lived. 

One thing I must comment on that is supposed to be about the story but I shall put it here.

When I read this story, I could read this story in two perspectives. One would be the usual romantic feature, ordinary love stories, predictable, harmless, boy meets girl, girl meets boy, etc etc etc. The other, through the many actions and the characters of Ruby and the ambiguity of Alec's character towards Vicki and through my own imputations and choice of words used by the author,  I could read this story in the perspective of a rather erotic and sensual story. True! The way Alec talked to Vicki, the words used by the author to described the situation. Very sensual and I applaud the author's choice of words in these very short lived part of the story. If more had been developed in Alec's desire for Vicki and Vicki's utter confusion as to whether he merely desired her or he actually loved her beyond such physical attraction, we might have a rather interesting love story here, that might appeal to even to mature readers. The author has to be brave to venture into that territory and let her mind and narrative style go beyond such simple love stories. 2 persons in love can be simple or it can be complicated, you need not have people killing each other to create a complicated plot. Love is complicated enough. It's how you weave your story and, your atmosphere for the story is equally as important as writing the word "huskily". The author almost went that way with the description of Alec before and in the elevator but thereafter no more. Of course I am not asking the author to write about Vicki and Alec hopping into bed, but words are a powerful tool. She used the right words in the elevator scene, created a rather sensual tension but she stopped at Vicki being bewildered which was disappointing. Vicki was often bewildered/confused rather than seduced and Alec was often seduced rather than desirable.

And I like the epilogue not because that means the story is at the end (I am not that mean) but because that one chapter showed us the potential and the flair that the author has for lighthearted romance or rather flirting, a potential that was not fully realised in the beginning part of the story because words were wasted on trying to build the relationship through the years passed when nothing was built in the end. I want to read how the relationship developed, not how one year passed and then a decade and suddenly, there was attraction and thereafter how the relationship was threatened. This is like cheating. There must be some groundwork done first before you build a house. If not your house would lay on unsteady foundation and one false move, down it goes. This story feels that way. Which is why I feel Vicki and Alec's first attraction to each other was unbelievable.

And if you ask me about the casting, Alec Su is very wrong for the character if Alec. In fact, I see Alec as someone who is cheeky, who had his heart broken and mended in the end, a bit mature and yet he desired Vicki but couldn't bring himself to admit that until much later. Little personality but Alec just doesn't strike me as Alec. You know, the description of Alec in here reminds me of that Darcy guy in Pride & Prejudice, brooding, angry, sexy, desirable, a bit of  a dangerous edge because he does not reveal his feelings and thus mysterious. But of course I fill in the blanks left by the author. Yeah, I like such love stories. Give me a man that I myself would desire and I would read the story word by word. You know this story could have been about unfulfilled desires. Pity.